Why We Don’t Like Change: Understanding the Resistance

Change is inevitable, yet many of us resist it. Whether it’s a new job, moving to a different city, or even a small shift in routine, we often find ourselves feeling uncomfortable or anxious about what’s to come. But why is that? Why do we struggle with change, even when we know it could lead to growth and improvement?

Here’s why we resist change and how understanding this resistance can help us move through it with greater ease:

1. Fear of the Unknown

At the heart of resistance to change is fear—fear of the unknown. Our brains are wired to seek safety and familiarity. When faced with a change, whether it’s big or small, we step into unfamiliar territory. The uncertainty of what lies ahead triggers our survival instincts. The comfort of what we know feels safer, even if it’s not ideal.

This fear can manifest in physical symptoms, like anxiety or restlessness, as our brain goes into overdrive trying to predict outcomes. We worry about what might happen, and often, we imagine the worst-case scenario.

2. Loss of Control

Change often brings a sense of losing control, which is uncomfortable for many. When things are predictable, we feel empowered and in control of our lives. Change, however, can feel like we’re being swept away by forces outside of ourselves. This loss of control can make us feel vulnerable and helpless, leading to resistance as a way to protect ourselves.

The more unpredictable the change, the stronger our desire to hold on to what we know. In essence, we fear that change will take away our ability to shape our own experiences.

3. Attachment to the Familiar

Humans are creatures of habit. We find comfort in the routines we’ve established, even if those routines are less than perfect. Whether it’s a particular way of working, a certain place we call home, or specific relationships, we form attachments to the familiar. These attachments provide a sense of stability and grounding, which is why even positive changes can be met with resistance.

When something changes, it can feel like we’re losing a part of ourselves. The effort required to build new routines or connections can be overwhelming, especially when we’re already managing other stressors.

4. Fear of Failure

Change often requires us to step into new roles or try new things, and with that comes the fear of failure. The idea of starting something new—whether it’s a new career, a new relationship, or a new skill—can be intimidating. We might question whether we’re capable of succeeding or if we’ll fall short. The fear of not measuring up can keep us stuck, preventing us from embracing opportunities for growth.

This fear of failure is deeply tied to our self-worth. If we tie our identity to success, any change that might challenge our abilities can feel like a direct threat to who we are.

5. Comfort with the Status Quo

We may resist change simply because the current situation, while not perfect, is known and comfortable. We may feel like we’ve learned to manage the challenges we face, even if they aren’t ideal. The familiar may offer a sense of predictability, and stepping into the unknown can feel like opening a door to potential chaos.

Even when we know change is necessary, the thought of venturing into new, unfamiliar territory can feel like too much effort. The status quo, no matter how imperfect, can feel like the lesser evil.

6. Emotional Investment in the Past

Sometimes, change can feel like a betrayal of the past. We may be emotionally invested in who we were or the life we lived, and change can feel like we’re turning our backs on everything we’ve worked for or believed in. Whether it’s a career path we’ve dedicated ourselves to or a relationship that once brought us joy, change can force us to confront the reality that things are no longer the same.

This emotional attachment to the past can create a powerful resistance to change, as we mourn what we’re letting go of.

7. Perfectionism and the Need for Control

For those who struggle with perfectionism, change can feel like a threat to the carefully constructed world we’ve built. Perfectionists often fear that change will disrupt the balance they’ve created or that they won’t be able to handle the new challenges that come with it. The need for everything to be just right can paralyze us, preventing us from taking action and embracing change.

The fear of not being able to adapt or excel in the face of change often leads to inaction. We may resist change out of a belief that if we wait long enough, we’ll be able to control it or perfect it.

Moving Through Resistance

While resistance to change is natural, it doesn’t have to control us. Understanding the reasons behind our resistance can help us take intentional steps toward embracing change. 

Here are a few ways to move through it:

• Acknowledge Your Fear: Recognize that fear is a natural part of change. It doesn’t have to control your actions. When you face change, give yourself permission to feel uncertain or anxious but choose to move forward despite those feelings.

• Focus on What You Can Control: Even though change often feels outside of our control, there are always aspects we can influence. Focus on the areas where you can take action, no matter how small, and use those to create a sense of empowerment.

• Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself as you navigate change. Understand that it’s okay to feel discomfort and that it’s a normal part of growth. Show yourself the same patience and understanding that you would offer a friend in a similar situation.

• Shift Your Perspective: Try to view change as an opportunity for growth rather than something to be feared. While it may be difficult at first, embracing change can lead to new experiences, skills, and perspectives that you would never have gained otherwise.

Ultimately, change is a natural part of life, and by embracing it with curiosity, compassion, and an open mind, we can transform resistance into the catalyst for personal growth and transformation.

If you’re struggling to navigate change, therapy can provide a safe and supportive space to explore your feelings, understand your resistance, and develop the tools to move forward with confidence.